This is another off the wall review from the same issue of VMag, December 1999. God bless Murphy, the editor for understanding these reviews in all their not so subtleties.
Chris Cornell-Euphoria Morning (A & M)
Last Boat Out of Seattle Founders:
Helm: Helm to Captain,are you sure we should steer through these waters again, sir? I mean, sir, that we ran aground the last time we went through these shoals.
Captain: Stay the course
Engineer: Captain, that last shudder, I think we may have hit something. I believe we have begun to take on water.
Captain: No problem, keep on course
Engineer: Sir, the engine room again, we’re taking on water here. I told you that the area outside Seattle harbor is treacherous. The Sea of Ennui is particularly dangerous, and chilly to boot. It’s a bit of a problem….
Captain: Ignore it and stay the course–no deviations.
2nd Officer: : Sir, we’ve slowed down quite a bit. Do you think this wise? We ran aground last journey by slowing down…
Chief Petty Officer: You can still see Seattle behind us, should we turn back?
Captain: Stay the course…
2nd Officer: Sir the passengers are abandoning ship left and right….
Captain: Stay the course. First Officer Thayil to the bridge!
2nd Officer: He transferred last year, sir.
Chief Petty Officer: I’m leaving, sir. We’re listing badly. Save yourself, man!
Captain: I’ll bust Thayil back to Ensign…Quitters!….I can handle the ship alone…I will not change course….I will not change course….I glurgleblub burble glug hole sun, glug hole sun….splutter*
Coast Guard Notes, December ’99-“Only traces of the ship were ever found. Nothing was deemed salvageable. Few survived the voyage”.
News-note collated by Carwreck deBangs